Worth It

You’re the one with all the drive and ambition
I’m the one who watches too much television

I wrote those lyrics because I often feel that I’m not motivated enough. Like I could always do more. Sometimes if I don’t write enough it spins into insomnia. And what is enough? Is it pages or is it more of if I feel I’ve gotten somewhere even if it’s a very small somewhere like finally fixing a troublesome paragraph.

I’m the most impatient patient person. With my novel Pushed, I worry all the time, grinding my teeth at night so much my jaw aches in the morning, that what I’ve written isn’t good enough. What if I’ve wasted all my time?

But how can striving be a waste? A long time ago a friend said to me that you should not strive but just be.

But fuck that.

I like to strive, I need to strive.

I feel that quite a bit of my lyrical contribution to MAKAR contains messages to keep going and the doubts that plague me, to push against those doubts.

Keep trying because isn’t that what art is to keep trying?

I had an argument with another friend (who is no longer a friend because of it). He said that if I feel whatever I’m working on is important then it can’t be important at all. So he doesn’t believe you should strive either. But if you no longer strive, are you living?

I write, play music and will eventually get back into photography because if I don’t do those things, I feel my soul diminishing.

About Andrea

Andrea DeAngelis is at times a poet, writer, shutterbug and musician living in New York City. Her writing has recently appeared in Timeless Tales Magazine, Umbrella Factory and Niteblade. (www.andreadeangelis.com). Andrea also sings and plays guitar in the indie rock band MAKAR (www.makarmusic.com) who are in the midst of recording their third album, Fancy Hercules.
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