DOBBY FREE!!!

So yesterday, one of my bosses, the Granola Dictator, intercoms me ominously, “I need to talk to you about something, do you have time now?”

I said yes and grabbed the ton of docs she asked me to print out. By the way she says this, I run through the following possibilities on the way to her office.

A) She saw this blog post I wrote about her and I’m fired.

This is highly unlikely because she’s a complete narcissist and would never deign to ask about MAKAR or my writing as she hopes any interest other than slogging through her crazy person 100 page mark-ups will wither and die and I will be her complete servant. So her reading my blog or even imagining I have one is very long odds.

B) She’s leaving the company.

Also unlikely since she’s threatened this many many times waving her tiny starved arms like jazz hands saying, “I’m the slave of the company” but never actually doing anything about it.

C) I’m fired.

Oh, I wish as long as I get unemployment insurance but also unrealistic since she has no power to fire me, see above explanation in B).

D) She’s switching assistants.

E) She has another tortuous project for me to work on and devote the rest of my natural life to.

F) She’s going to complain about my lack of ability to devote all my waking hours to her and what she wants.

This is a weekly if not daily occurrence. 

I never imagined it to be D). She’s switching assistants. It’s all I’ve dreamed about and what you have probably guessed from the title of this post. DOBBY FREE!!!

The actual conversation went like this.

Granola Dictator: “I’ve requested to switch to [name of new assistant]. Unless you have a problem with it. But we do not have the relationship I require.”

Me: “I only want you to be happy, Granola Dictator.”

Then she proceeded to list all the reasons why she was unhappy with me, basically that I work for other people besides her including the head of the department and that the new assistant is “more flexible” than me.

And the new assistant is, she’s willing to do overtime whenever GD requests it although I’m not sure how the new assistant will feel about that if the GD tells her, “someone will have to miss the Christmas party.” That someone always means her assistant.

I’m walking around in a daze, so relieved. I only hope it lasts and I feel bad for the assistant who has her now.

About Andrea

Andrea DeAngelis is at times a poet, writer, shutterbug and musician living in New York City. Her writing has recently appeared in Timeless Tales Magazine, Umbrella Factory and Niteblade. (www.andreadeangelis.com). Andrea also sings and plays guitar in the indie rock band MAKAR (www.makarmusic.com) who are in the midst of recording their third album, Fancy Hercules.
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