stage fright and a belated thank you

A belated thank you to the intrepid that came to our gig at Lovecraft on November 14th, just after the Paris terrorist attacks.

We felt weird playing after such a horrific event but sometimes the only thing that makes sense is playing music.

Unfortunately, the video we took of the gig is very very dark, we should have used a night vision camera! I’m trying to figure out how to lighten it. But for the meantime, you can peruse a few shots of the gig below and on Facebook.

Taken by Sierra from Turnstyle Music Group

This great photo above was taken by Sierra from Turnstyle Music Group

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Hoping to play some more live shows soon.

Honestly, my nerves really got the best of me this time. A combo of what happened in Paris and not being in the right mindset and just plain stage fright.

For me, stage fright is a weird uncontrollable physical sensation and this time it focused its damage in my left hand.

My left hand just wouldn’t work and it wasn’t tendonitis because I know how that feels because it sometimes gunks up my right strumming hand if I’m not careful with stretching and my death grip. No, this fumbling of my fingers felt like the signals that my brain was sending to my left hand was moving across immense distances and at times not connecting at all.

It was very disconcerting. My voice didn’t seem to be affected so at least there’s that. I don’t remember being this nervous before when we had a full band. We’re so much more exposed when it’s just the two of us. I think it’s also happening because I’m connecting even more with our songs. I’m more in the moment of performing which makes me more vulnerable. It’s that hyper reality of feeling lightheaded.

I talked to my doctor about beta-blockers to prevent some of the uncontrollable physical aspects of anxiety so I’m going to try those and see how I manage.

The thing is, that no one believes except those who knew me in high school, is that I’m really a shy person who pushes herself to be outgoing.

But this is what I want to do. I want to perform. And every time we end a gig, I feel a sense of accomplishment that I got through to the other side.

About Andrea

Andrea DeAngelis is at times a poet, writer, shutterbug and musician living in New York City. Her writing has recently appeared in Timeless Tales Magazine, Umbrella Factory and Niteblade. (www.andreadeangelis.com). Andrea also sings and plays guitar in the indie rock band MAKAR (www.makarmusic.com) who are in the midst of recording their third album, Fancy Hercules.
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